Friday 13 January 2017

What it's Like to Carry the Weight of the World on my Shoulders

I'm No Superhero



 Sometimes the hardest thing for me is to figure out what to write about every month.  Some months, it comes easily and other times it's a challenge.  I write because it's cathartic but also because it always keeps me thinking and reflecting.  It keeps memories of Madeline vivid.  Personally, I feel I have a social obligation to continue writing.  I also realize that I'm not alone.

Recently, I was interviewed by JP Bédard.  JP is writing a book on resiliency.  He's interviewing several people from around the world who have faced various adversity, be it from personal loss, social, physical or geopolitical conditions. He is talking to famous people and people like you and I who have encountered some real challenges in our life and how they were overcome.


JP is no stranger to the subject.  He is an author, advocate, elite endurance athlete, and  was named one of the "50 Most Influential Canadians" by the Huffington Post.  JP turned to long distance running to help him battle his addiction and mental health issues.  In my hour-long interview with JP, I heard and learned about his story and everything he's endured and chose to publicize as an advocate for other sexual abuse victims.  And yet he's interviewing me about being resilient?
Because we've lost our daughter to suicide and chose to discuss it openly, has almost given me this very uncomfortable celebrity status.  I've chosen this path versus choosing to grieve in private,  but does it make me any less heart-broken, sad or distraught?  The first blog post I wrote about Madeline, I had intense reservations about pushing "send" and forever putting my vulnerability and everyone else's scrutiny to the mercy of social media.  Did that make it any easier to motivate myself to get our of bed every morning or pick myself up and dust myself off?  I'd like to think it did.  I have a social responsibility and that gives me strength.  But having lost my child to suicide, does that make me uniquely qualified to talk about parenting?  I would tend to think to the contrary.

I was at a get together a few weeks ago and an old friend came up to me and called me her hero for having the strength to write about what I do.  As flattering and humbling as it is sometimes, I'm very uncomfortable with any accolades that I receive.  I write because I feel that it's important for people to be able to talk about mental illness and be able to broach those conversations with their kids.  At that same function, there were five people that came up to me and shared their experiences with me.  Experiences that they were encountering or had encountered with their children or they have suffered through personally.  The fact that they felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it, means some of the social stigma associated with mental illness is disappearing or perhaps there's safety in talking to someone that has suffered so much personal loss from this disease.  And I will continue to write about it as long as someone is willing to read it.
Our interview about resiliency really got me thinking JP Bédard.  It's not so much what I've encountered through my experiences and loss of Madeline that has made me resilient but rather how I will manage every disappointment, setback or loss that has or will happened after April 10th, 2015; for everything else will pale in comparison.

Please share and help to support The Maddie Project by bringing greater awareness and access for youths and their families affected by depression and other mental illnesses.

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