Friday 13 January 2017

How Do Kids Handle the Sudden Loss of a Brother or Sister ?

How Do Kids Handle the Sudden Loss of a Brother or Sister?



By sharing our story and our struggles about what we went through with Madeline, we cross paths with the many people who have gone through equal pain and devastation in their lives and hear their stories.  I believe it's therapeutic for all of us.  Some of the stories are recent and some are from years ago.  Some are tragic and some are hoping to have or have had a different outcome than ours.  All are painful, emotional and sometimes awkward but people still share with me.  For this I'm grateful even with all the emotions that it often conjures up.

This past weekend I was at a hockey fundraiser for one of my son's teams.  A night where we weren't at a hockey arena but instead eating, drinking and laughing,  hanging alongside the parents that I spend a better part of 8 months a year cheering on our sons.  I'm fortunate that I've become so close with so many of these parents over the years and have become such an important part of my support network, social fabric and have set the foundation for some amazing friendships.




At the event, I walked up to one of my friends who was talking to someone that I had never met before.  I was introduced to this person and she looked at me like I was somewhat familiar and then she realized who I was and she said, "I just finished reading one of your blogs."  I could tell she was getting misty and a little emotional.  I wish I could say it was the first time it's happened but it's not.  It's a very empathetic response from many parents who couldn't imagine going through what we had gone through with Madeline. We chatted for a while, I rubbed her shoulder and said it was nice to meet her, excused myself and ran into some other people that I knew.

The next morning I woke up, I had received an email from the nice woman I had met the night before.  She felt she needed to apologize and explain what had caused some of the emotion in meeting me the night before.  Her pain didn't completely resonate from being a parent but instead empathizing with what Zac and Sawyer must be going through and dealing with the sudden loss of their sister.  She had tragically lost her teenage brother in an accident caused by a drunk driver.  She still thinks about and misses him everyday.  This pain is the cause of something that occurred more than 20 years ago, but still has such a profound effect upon her today.   I believe she was delivering a very compassionate message to me to ensure my boys continue to be well-supported through this tragedy.


We often wonder if we're doing everything we possibly can do for our boys.  Some of their behaviours can be attributed to having to deal with such the tragic loss of Maddie, but most behaviours are just boys being boys.  We talk often.  We are incredibly close. They have received counselling over the last year and half but often wonder what else we can do to ease their pain.  They participate in the fundraisers and are actively involved in The Maddie Project. 

The Maddie Project has been selected by six local high schools as the charity of the year that their student body want to actively support and raise awareness.  Zac has volunteered to be The Maddie Project Ambassador.  He will be the spokesperson talking at assemblies before all these schools, bringing awareness to the cause and the stigma associated with teenage mental illness from a teenager's perspective, and as Maddie's brother.  

To know Zac, is to know that this is outside his comfort zone.  He is passionate about the cause and he knows how important it is to communicate this message.  For knowing Zac the way he is, his compassionate and caring personality, he doesn't want another brother or sister to experience the profound sadness and loss that both he and Sawyer have suffered through the loss of their sister.  They couldn't have made a better choice.

Please share and help to support The Maddie Project by bringing greater awareness and access for youths and their families affected by depression and other mental illnesses.

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