So much has been chronicled about my daughter Madeline over the last 10 months. Stories from her friends, acquaintances, strangers, family members and of course, her parents. People admired Maddie's strength, sense of humour, love, support, loyalty, and compassion for anyone who needed it. She was selfless. She was passionate about the people and things she loved. She suffered silently and let very few people into her solemn world. She was proud but mostly didn't want to burden anyone with worry.
What doesn't get chronicled enough is the continued love and support from her siblings, Zac and Sawyer.
Madeline gained so much strength from her brothers. As strong as they are in public, they have their moments of desperate sadness and always will have them. Madeline had many friends, but no one was as close to Maddie as these two solid and supportive boys. They were not only strong and supportive of Maddie but gave both their mother and me incredible love, support and conviction to carry forward. Without these two wonderful souls, my recovery from Maddie's death could have been even more painful, difficult and prolonged. And as much as I grieve MG's loss every single day, I see glimpses of Madeline in each of them. Sometimes the similarities are uncanny.
You couldn't ask for three more diverse personalities, but each of them has something in common with the next one. Those overlapping wonderful traits that Madeline took with her when she left are now exhibited in each of her brothers. They probably always existed, but I'm more aware of them than ever before.
Madeline loved them as much as the love was returned by both of them to her. We spent an incredible amount of time at NYGH on 7North, which was Madeline's home for about two and a half months between December 2014 and March 2015. Not a day would go by, the boys would never miss a visit to see Maddie. It was those visits that Maddie looked forward to every day. Her quiet talks with Zac and her gut-busting laughter with Sawyer. Never a complaint was uttered, never a plea to stay home was requested. They were there for Maddie as they knew she would have been there for them.
Zac and Madeline's relationship, to call it special would be a gross understatement. Zac was her confidante. Zac has this quiet and stoic strength about him. Maddie knew that what she told Zac would stay in the vault. Zac was always too pleased to let Madeline take the spotlight and shine. Zac was such an admirer of Madeline's confidence, her vocalness and her wit. Zac laughed tirelessly at Maddie's antics, verbosity and playfulness. When Zac and Maddie were together, Maddie had the centre stage and the spotlight constantly upon her. Zac was happy to let Maddie have that role.
Where Zac was happy to forgo Maddie's attention, Sawyer always was looking to compete for it. There was so much animation between the two of them that it could get exhausting never shy of attention. Madeline would occasionally and willingly relinquish the spotlight and let Sawyer shine for a little while but always and only on her terms. Sawyer had a quiet respect for Maddie as the ringleader, and as much as he would compete for the stage, he knew that ultimately Maddie owned it.
Our kids personified solidarity. They were different in so many ways yet identical in the ways that mattered the most: the love, support and unconditional caring that the three showed towards one another. It's the bond that ties them today and forever.
These kids have had to endure so much in the last year: so much pain, so much loss, attention, and so much heartache. Today, Zac and Sawyer are closer than ever. The bond that keeps them closer is the memory and the presence of Maddie. They include her in their discussions and stories almost daily. Maddie not only lives on with her brothers but is still actively apart of their day to day lives. When either of them recounts stories of Madeline, it is told with a smile and laughter. They tell the story as if Maddie is right in the room alongside them sharing in the memory. They do it so purely, so innocently and so honestly. They tell their stories, not only as if Maddie was their big sister instead as if she will always be their big sister.
I long for the day that the mention of Madeline brings me a smile for the memory and not a tear for the loss.
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