Friday 28 June 2019

Yet Another Birthday Without You: Forever Frozen in Time




June 28th would’ve been your 21st birthday.  It represents the seventh birthday that you have not been in attendance for.  It represents the seventh birthday that I haven’t been criticized for the present I bought you.  It’s the 7th year that I didn’t receive flack for having my picture taken with you.  Your 21st birthday is supposed to a celebration, but today it represents only a milestone to what should have been.

A 21st birthday is supposed to represent emancipation, a coming of age.  It’s supposed to come together with friends and family for your first “legal libation”.  It’s supposed to represent a homecoming from your first year at university, talking about the experiences, independence away from home and the plans for the summer ahead.  It represents a culmination of new friends and old friends coming together to celebrate you.  People get together to laugh, share stories and join in love for the honouree of the day.  This is the fifth year that the honouree will not be attending.

But instead of a celebration, it has become a solemn affair.  It means a quiet visit to the cemetery where I sit cross-legged, play music that you loved and have a quiet conversation with the most important female that has ever touched my life.  I ponder where you would’ve gone to university and what program you would be enrolled in.  I think about whether you would’ve had a boyfriend and whether he would’ve been worthy of you.  I think about the influence and the impact that you would’ve had upon your brothers.  I think about how you would’ve positively influenced society and the footprint that you would’ve left.  I think about how curious you always were and the unrelenting questions that you would continue to ask.  I think about your strength of character, your wicked sense of humour and how much conviction you held about things that meant so much to you.

I’m forever looking at pictures of you growing up.  You will remain forever encapsulated by youth.  Life goes on, people age, but you will always be frozen in time.  Today, Zac is five years older than your last day alive, and Sawyer surpassed your last birthday last October, but you will always remain my eldest child and their big sister.

"Others have seen it as their duty to carry on your message."


Although going to your grave is a terrible way to spend your birthday, it makes me feel grateful for the time I spent with you, albeit too short.  You were taken from us far too soon. Your legacy was achieved earlier than most.

Your 21st birthday is supposed to be one of liberation, that last real bridge between being a youth and an adult.  In your passing, so many of your friends from so many different places in your life have been united solely because of their association with you.  The influence and the impact you’ve had upon the lives of so many are still being felt today throughout our community and beyond.  Your presence is still felt and heralded by your brothers and friends and the impact that they are making on society today in your honour.

Although you, our guest of honour is no longer present on this earth, we salute you and honour you for all you have contributed in your absence and the conversations that have become more significant in your wake.  Although your presence is missed on a daily basis, others have seen it as their duty to carry on your message.

Cheers to you, Maddie.  I look forward to having a drink together one day.  Happy 21st birthday!

3 comments:

  1. Great post Chris! It only took me about half an hour to get through. Pp

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  2. Thinking about you, Maddie and the boys today and always in our heart.❤️

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